The Online Saga of Porcelain and Hobbit boy
by eat-drums
Summary: One-Shot Klaine. Jumping on the Facebook bandwagon for some laughs with our favourite boys Kurt and Blaine as they both learn that social networking sites are as much of a curse as a blessing! From 2x06 to post-2x10


**Title**: The Online Saga of Porcelain and Hobbit-boy

**Author: **eat-drums

**Pairings: **Klaine, (mention of Finchel)

**Rating: **K+

**Warnings: **Slash! Spoilers up to Glee 2x10, Fandom!Wes and David, and shameless jumping on the bandwagon of Facebook fics! :p

_**Disclaimer**_: I don't own Glee or any recognisable characters!

**A/N**_ Okay guys…this is my first ever Glee fanfic, and also the first thing I have written in three years, so be kind! I have so much love for Blaine and Kurt and hope to read and write much fluff about our lovely boys!_

_I apologise in advance for this fic, but it was just bursting to get out…it is shamelessly following a glut of FB fanfics, most of which I haven't read (yet) I'm afraid! Complete credit goes to whoever came up with this format in the first place…I also apologise if there are resemblances to other fanfics (aside from the obvious theme as mentioned above!) – they are completely coincidental and unintentional! (Read: Please don't hurt me!) _

_Long-winded authors note over…please leave me reviews – they make my day! :D_

P.S. I've had hellish difficulty finding the best/most-readable format for this fic so comments and suggestions on preferred format/line-spacing etc. please!

_

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**Kurt Hummel **is now friends with **Blaine Edwards**  
**(Blaine Edwards** likes this)**  
Mercedes Jones: **Who the hell is he? He's gorgeous! PHONE. ME. NOW.  
**(Blaine Edwards **likes this)**  
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: **He's a Dalton boy! Kurt! We sent you to spy, not pick up a boyfriend!**  
Kurt Hummel: **I can be friends with who I want! Now kindly get off my wall.**  
Rachel Berry: **He might be a spy! I demand you de-friend him this instant Kurt!**  
Kurt Hummel: **See above. Don't make me mention Jesse…**  
Blaine Edwards:** Who's Jesse? (Sorry…nosey!)**  
Kurt Hummel: **Long story…**  
Blaine Edwards: **Fancy telling me about it at Breadsticks later?  
**(Kurt Hummel** and **Mercedes Jones** like this)**  
Kurt Hummel:** Sure. Text me. :)

* * *

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel**: Are you sure you can trust this Blaine character? I'm only thinking of you getting hurt of course…  
**Kurt Hummel: **Of course you are Rachel…you're not at all worried that 'fraternizing with the enemy', as you put it in Glee club today, might affect your chances at sectionals.  
(**Finn Hudson**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 8 others like this)  
**Rachel Berry: **FIIIINNN! : (  
**Finn Hudson:** Sorry Rachel…but Kurt's right on this one. Love you.  
**Rachel Berry: **Love you too!  
**Kurt Hummel: ***vomits* PLEASE!  
(**Artie Abrams**, **Noah 'Puck' Puckerman** and 3 others like this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **I don't want to cause a Glee club riot! : ( I'm not a spy – I swear!  
**Kurt Hummel: **It's okay Blaine, please ignore these lunatics – I don't really know any of them!  
**Mercedes Jones: **Excuuuuuuse me?  
**Kurt Hummel**: Except for Mercedes, because she is FABULOUS! :p  
(**Blaine Edwards** and **Mercedes Jones** like this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** is looking forward to seeing RENT later! Thank you **Blaine Edwards**!  
**Mercedes Jones:** I need a dislike button. NOW.  
(**Rachel Berry** likes this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **? :(  
**Kurt Hummel: **I am _really_ sorry Mercedes! I'll make it up to you, I promise!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** to **Mercedes Jones: **Still on for Breadsticks tonight?  
**Mercedes Jones: **Oh yes!

**Mercedes Jones **is now friends with **Blaine Edwards**  
(**Blaine Edwards **and **Kurt Hummel** like this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **Thanks for being so cool Mercedes! Kurt is right – you are FABULOUS!  
(**Mercedes Jones** and **Kurt Hummel **like this)  
**Kurt Hummel: **Just so you know, Blaine – I'm ALWAYS right ;)  
**Mercedes Jones**: Was good to meet you Blaine :)

* * *

**Finn Hudson**, **Noah 'Puck' Puckerman** and 9 others are now friends with **Blaine Edwards  
Kurt Hummel: **What? You guys really need to get a life…  
**Blaine Edwards**: Must be my dashing good looks and charm :p  
**Finn Hudson: **Mercedes friended him – it's like the Glee club green light!  
(**Rachel Berry** and **Mercedes Jones **like this)  
**Kurt Hummel: **I hate Facebook…

* * *

**Santana Lopez **wrote on **Blaine Edwards **wall: You are HOT! Wanna go out some time? ;)  
**Blaine Edwards: ***blush* Sorry Santana! Don't play for your team!  
(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)  
**Santana Lopez: **Damn…all the best looking ones are gay!  
**David Matthews: **I on the other hand am available if you're interested Miss Lopez…  
**Wes Freeman: **Public forum David…Rebecca will be able to see that you idiot!  
**David Matthews: **Oops…  
**Kurt Hummel: **Leave him alone Santana!  
**Santana Lopez**: It's okay Porcelain, I won't steal your boyfriend  
**Kurt Hummel: **We're just friends Santana…  
**Blaine Edwards: **Porcelain?  
**Kurt Hummel: **Long story…  
**Blaine Edwards: **Breadsticks later then?  
**Mercedes Jones**: Does anyone see a pattern emerging? ; )  
(**Quinn Fabray**, and **Santana Lopez** like this)

* * *

**Blaine Edwards: **One month to Sectionals! Can't wait…and looking forward to seeing all my new 'New Directions' Facebook-friends in action!  
(**Kurt Hummel**, **Mercedes Jones** and 10 others like this)  
**Rachel Berry**: Remember Warbler guy – you try and steal our set list and I'll hunt you down!  
**Blaine Edwards: ***looks scared***  
Kurt Hummel: **Don't worry Blaine, her bark is worse than her bite…but she comes with an 'extreme diva' warning!  
(**Rachel Berry **likes this)  
**Blaine Edwards**: No wonder you two clash so much…it's like diva fever! :D Ha ha!  
**Kurt Hummel: **Oh veeerrrry funny!  
**Blaine Edwards**: You know you love it! ;)  
**Mercedes Jones**: Will you two stop flirting and get to the dating already!  
(**Quinn Fabray**, **Santana Lopez**, and 5 others like this)  
**Wes Freeman**: LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE!  
**David Matthews: **I know I've never met you Mercedes…but you are clearly awesome!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **is now friends with** Wes Freeman **and **David Matthews**  
(**Blaine Edwards** and 2 others like this)  
**Finn Hudson**: More Dalton guys? Even I'm starting to get a bit worried now!  
**Wes Freeman**: Don't worry man. Warblers don't spy – it's not cool.  
**David Matthews: **Spying is not at all cool…except when it was Kurt doing the spying. Then it was 'ridiculously adorable' (I quote a certain Warbler who's name sounds like 'Klaine')  
(**Mercedes Jones** and **Wes Freeman** like this)  
**Kurt Hummel: ***blush*  
**Blaine Edwards: **Please excuse me whilst I murder my _ex_-best friends….  
**Wes Freeman: **Now Blainey there's no need to get violent…  
**David Matthews: **…or we'll tell Kurt what you said last week when you got in from Breadsticks….  
**Blaine Edwards**: ENOUGH! :s Why the hell did I let you friend Kurt?  
**Kurt Hummel: **I'm confused…  
**Wes Freeman:***evil laugh*

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: Can't believe I'm actually moving to Dalton! To all my Glee clubbers…I will miss you all (even you Rachel) and I am so sorry to abandon you before Sectionals, but I have to. You know I do.  
**Mercedes Jones: ***sniffle* Love you Kurt. Will miss you so damn much, but you have to feel safe! *hugs*  
(**Blaine Edwards, Burt Hummel** and 25 others like this)  
**Finn Hudson: **Remember Kurt, we're brothers now and I'll never let you down again. No matter the school I've still got your back.  
(**Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry **and 6 others like this)  
**Rachel Berry: **I'll miss you too Kurt! Now who is going to have diva offs with me? : (  
**William Schuster: **I know it's tough kids…but I think Kurt is doing the right thing, at least for the time being. All the best in Dalton Kurt.  
**Kurt Hummel: **Thanks Mr. Schue.  
**Tina Cohen-Chang: **Good luck Kurt. So sorry about what happened…wish we could have helped more! Keep in touch!  
(**Mike Chang **likes this)  
**Artie Abrams: **Take care of yourself Kurt. We'll miss you! :(  
**Noah 'Puck' Puckerman:** Sorry we couldn't fight harder for you man. This really sucks…but good luck.  
**Sam Evans: **Yeah, like Puck said. See you at Sectionals I hope!  
**Quinn Fabray: **Take care of yourself Kurt. We'll all miss you more than you know.  
**Santana Lopez: **Good luck Porcelain. Bring that hottie Blaine to visit us!  
**Brittany Pierce: **Where's Kurt going? Don't go Kurt!  
**Kurt Hummel: **I'm sorry Britt…I've got too. :'(  
**Blaine Edwards:** Don't worry guys – we'll take care of him at Dalton. I promise.  
(**Mercedes Jones **and 12 others like this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **is now friends with **Matthew Cook**, **Charles Aven** and 20 others.  
(**Blaine Edwards **likes this)  
**Wes Freeman:** Welcome to Dalton! :D

**Kurt Hummel: **is officially a Daltonite and a Warbler! Wow!  
(**Blaine Edwards**, **Wes Freeman** and 30 others like this)  
**David Matthews: **Welcome to the inner circle young grasshopper!  
**Kurt Hummel: **Thanks David!  
**Burt Hummel: **Proud of you kiddo!  
**Finn Hudson: **Awesome dude!  
**Mercedes Jones: **:'( Miss you Kurt! But thrilled for you – will be watching for you at Sectionals! :D  
**Kurt Hummel: **Bring it girl! :p  
**Mercedes Jones: **Oh, you know I will!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **Congratulations to 'New Directions' on your tie with us at Sectionals! Can't wait for Regionals!  
(**Mercedes Jones**, **Blaine Edwards** and 30 others like this)  
**Rachel Berry: **Can't wait to squish you lovely boys at Regionals! :)  
**Kurt Hummel: **Why yes Rachel, you were fantastic too. :p  
**William Schuster: **Well done Kurt – we're all proud of you!

**Blaine Edwards: **Regionals here we come! :D  
(**Kurt Hummel **and 15 others like this)  
**Kurt Hummel: **That was so much fun! Everyone was fantastic!  
**Blaine Edwards: **You were amazing Kurt – super proud of you! Solo for you at Regionals I'm sure!  
**Wes Freeman: **Don't push it Blaine!  
**Blaine Edwards: **Oh keep your hair on grumpy pants!  
**David Matthews: **Oh Kurt you were so great! Oh Kurt I looooove you! Oh Kurt I want to drown in your beautiful eyes!  
**Kurt Hummel: **Oh David…I had no idea you cared! :p  
**Blaine Edwards: ***face palm*

* * *

**Blaine Edwards **to **Kurt Hummel**: You okay? I saw the unwelcome visitor after the competition.

**Kurt Hummel** to **Blaine Edwards: **You saw? I was hoping you wouldn't. I'm okay.

**Blaine Edwards **to **Kurt Hummel: **Why were you hoping I wouldn't see? I'm just worried about you, you know.

**Kurt Hummel** to **Blaine Edwards: **You're a great friend. Don't worry, I'm fine.

**Blaine Edwards **to **Kurt Hummel**: You're clearly not. Meet you in our usual place. Twenty minutes.  
**Wes Freeman: **OMG they have a 'usual place' now? How did we not know about this?  
**David Matthews: **I'm not going looking for them before you suggest it – I have no intention of walking in on them making out.  
**Kurt Hummel: **Lay off guys…we're friends, remember!  
**David Matthews: **Keep telling yourself that Kurtie…  
**Blaine Edwards: **Really. Knock it off guys. This is serious. Please.**  
**

**Mercedes Jones **to **Kurt Hummel**: Sure you're okay?  
**Kurt Hummel: **Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks to Blaine.  
**Blaine Edwards: **Remember. I've got your back. Always.  
**Mercedes Jones: **You better had hobbit boy….  
(**Finn Hudson**, **Noah 'Puck' Puckerman** and 5 others like this)

* * *

**Blaine Edwards: **really thinks **Kurt Hummel** should opt to board in Llewellyn House with me, **Wes Freeman** and **David Matthews**!  
(**Blaine Edwards** and 5 others like this)  
**David Matthews: **It's only because you want to seduce him, and you know it! :p  
**Wes Freeman: **Everyone knows it…except for the two of them, apparently!  
**David Matthews: **Three hours and no denials of any sort from either party…we are making progress!  
(**Wes Freeman**, **Mercedes Jones** and 10 others like this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel** has bowed to the demands of his adoring public and is now boarding in Llewellyn.  
**Blaine Edwards: **See, you're not the only one who is right all the time! ; )  
**David Matthews: **Get ready for the annual inter-house wars!  
**Kurt Hummel: **What have I done?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **is making mince pies for his wonderful 'New Directions' friends…  
(**Mercedes Jones**, **Finn Hudson** and 10 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel** and if **Blaine Edwards** steals any more the aforementioned mince pies he is going to be in BIG trouble!  
**Blaine Edwards**: Aww…but they're so tasty…  
**Blaine Edwards: **Just like you!  
(**Wes Freeman **likes this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **David! Get the hell off my Facebook! Sorry Kurt!  
**Blaine Edwards: **Kurt?

* * *

**Wes Freeman** posted a new video 'Baby it's cold outside'  
**David Matthews: **Win! *high five*  
**Blaine Edwards: **You two are so dead….  
**Kurt Hummel: **Someone please kill me now…  
**Mercedes Jones: **That is sooo adorable! You two are so cute! I really can't stay…  
(**Wes Freeman **and 10 others like this)  
**Rachel Berry: **I've got to go away…This evening has been so very nice! You two are so cute together!  
**Kurt Hummel: **Mortified! I was just helping Blaine rehearse! :s  
**Mercedes Jones: **Don't be mortified! It's a great duet for you…and so adorable! I could watch you two all day!  
(**Quinn Fabray** and **Tina Cohen-Chang** like this)  
**Santana Lopez: **Don't know about adorable…it's freaking hot! You two need to get together NOW and make more videos…with less clothes! :D  
**Kurt Hummel: **Blaine…my friends are scaring me!  
**Kurt Hummel: **Blaine…?

* * *

**Blaine Edwards **can't believe how well the Christmas gig went…thanks for helping me rehearse **Kurt Hummel**! (And, for the record Kurt, our duet was far superior!)  
**Kurt Hummel: **Glad it went well!  
**Blaine Edwards: **We'll have to duet again some time  
**Kurt Hummel: **Definitely. I had fun. :)  
**David Matthews: **Will you just put us all out of our collective misery and ASK. HIM. OUT?  
(**Wes Freeman**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 15 others like this)

* * *

**Blaine Edwards **can't wait for tonight :p  
(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Kurt Hummel **is stupidly nervous  
**Blaine Edwards**: Don't worry…I don't bite. ;)

* * *

**David Matthews: **Houston we have KISS OFF! Everyone _knows _who I'm talking about! ;)  
(**Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray **and 20 others like this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **You are way too interested in my private life…it's getting creepy!  
(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel **is in a relationship with **Blaine Edwards  
**(**Mercedes Jones**, **David Matthews**, and 50 others like this)  
**Mercedes Jones: **About time too boys! *hugs*  
**Wes Freeman: **Success! Congrats guys! :D  
**Kurt Hummel: **Thank you one and all for your kind messages! Now can you please stop stalking me and my boyfriend….It's getting creepy!  
(**Blaine Edwards **likes this)  
**Santana Lopez: **You guys are too hot…and stalking is fun! Wes! David! Get us more tapes!  
(**Brittany Pearce **and 20 others like this)  
**Blaine Edwards: **Maybe we should break up?  
**Kurt Hummel: **:'( Then I'd be sad forever!  
**Mercedes Jones: **You break his heart…EVER, and I will break your legs hobbit boy!  
**Finn Hudson: **And I'll break your face!  
**Blaine Edwards: **Just kidding! ; ) I promise I'll never hurt him guys…The _new_ usual place in 10 mins gorgeous boy! : )  
(**Kurt Hummel** likes this)

* * *

**Kurt Hummel: **is extremely happy….  
(**Blaine Edwards**, **Burt Hummel **and 30 others like this)

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_Hope you've enjoyed – hope it made you smile, maybe even have a little chuckle! If you liked it please leave me a note to say so and feed my soul! x  
_


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